Empowerment – owning the trust
Have you ever had to manage someone and feel uncomfortable because they argue with you, or they point blank refuse to do what you say? Or, they say the right things, yet nothing changes? Maybe you have bad news to impart. Their performance is not where it should be, or they are being put at risk of redundancy.
If you have ever been in this position and find it excruciatingly awkward and uncomfortable, this might be helpful to you.
Firstly, you are not alone. In fact, having met with thousands of people in my career who are faced with this sort of task, I can hand on heart say that humans on the whole, find this interaction difficult.
My goodness, we could probably run the national grid off the energy expended in worrying about how to approach the conversation, sharing with peers to gain advice and build allies, getting frustrated and anxious during the build up to the conversation. And then there’s the task of analysing how it went and whether our words worked and were taken in the manner they were meant.
Hours spent in stress, hurt, pain and resentment – resulting in mixed messages, loss of trust and limited improvement.
Of course, this is not every difficult interaction – but in my experience, the percentage is far too high to ignore.
It is time to buck a trend. Have you ever heard the phrase self-centred? How would you react if someone referred to you as self-centred? To me, it is the most gracious compliment I could ever be paid and I’ll explain why.
Self – we only have one self. It is the person we were born with. The person that we wake up with every single morning and sleep with every single night. Self is the person who knows our deepest fears and our darkest thoughts. Self is the one person who gets all our jokes and beats us up when we make mistakes. Self is the person who is joyful and playful and loves doing everything we love to do and is also the person who gets tired and sad and disappointed and angry with us too. Self sees us naked and when we sit on the loo. Self also experiences every sexual encounter with us and every one that we imagine and never act upon. We have no secrets from Self.
Centred – is to be emotionally healthy and calm, focused, balanced. To have a point of reference, a foundation to return to, inner certainty.
To be self-centred, in the way that I see it, is to perform at work with a power and passion that is simply not available to others. Difficult conversations become something to embrace. The energy changes from one of separation to one of collaboration. Creativity flows.
When problems arise, rather than complaining about all the things you want the other person to change – most of which is entirely out of your control. Instead, you have the opportunity to get to the root of the problem and turn it around.
This is the empowerment that most of us crave, very few have, yet is available to all.
To find out more about empowerment, owning the trust and self-centred leadership, call Lucy Windsor on 01932 888885.