Lucy Windsor

Magnetism – How to change the environment around you

A magnet has permanent reference points.  North at one end and South at the other.  No matter what we do with a magnet, whether we turn it around, or push it toward another magnet, put it in a box, in our pocket, the magnet always does what it does.  It’s points of reference are fixed, yet a magnet has a multitude of uses.

Humans too, without exception, have fixed points of reference that comes from the core.  If you are a spiritual person, you might say from the soul.  We each have an entirely unique contribution to make to the world.

This is our core process.  Like the magnet has North and South, our core process is our point of reference.  Everything we do that brings us alive and makes our heart sing is in line with our core process.  Yet, only very few of us know what our core process is and even that we have one.

Without knowing, we are primarily influenced by our beliefs, our values, our life experience, our chosen external influences and the meaning and rules we have assigned to it all.  And as we know, many of our beliefs are picked up along the way, handed down from generation to generation, or from our teachers and peers.  Often these beliefs are out of date or even incompatible with a successful life experience, yet we follow them without challenge because that is what we know.

We now also have considerable mention of values in the workplace.  Values defined for us by others, that we are expected to take on board without question and live as our own.  When we understand our own core process, we can begin the process of alignment between our own point of reference and the organisational values.

It is easy to see therefore that if we are driven by a core process, that is as strong as the North and South of a magnet, yet we don’t know what that core process is, the only conscious reference we have is when we feel either good, or out of kilter (in conflict in some way) and we react to that feeling.

When we don’t understand our core process  in the way that we do understand the absoluteness of a magnet, we instead believe that the problem must be external in some way.  The other person is at fault, or needs to make a change, or has wronged us in some way.  And this makes sense to us.  Because why else could we be possibly feeling the way we do?

Without this awareness, we react to our emotions, rather than owning them.  We are driven blindly and without question by our beliefs, even those that are out-dated and sabotaging our ability to achieve our potential.  We become stressed and confused by the behaviour of others and by our feelings.

It is physically impossible to connect on anything other than a superficial level with those who don’t share our beliefs unless we are in tune with our core intent.  This is because we pick up on crossed energy at a physiological level, yet lack the awareness to be able to understand the meaning of the crossed energy.  Instead, we mistake it for a feeling of not being liked, loved, respected, heard.  We can also become ‘bullies’ or ‘pushy’ resorting to barking instructions at people, having zero tolerance of behaviour that we perceive to be lacking.  Or we can become victims, believing that other people are responsible for our feelings of lack of worth.

It is all B******t!

We are all magnets and have the power to change the environment around us.  We do this by discovering our core process.  Our own North and South.  And from that place of centre, our certainty, faith, courage and commitment shines through.

This is what makes us attractive and breaks down the barriers.  It is the game-changer that transcends everything else.  It allows us to take off the mask and be real.  People want to hear what we have to say when we live in alignment with our core intent because of our authenticity.  Magnetism is nothing to do with charisma, or extroversion vs introversion, or technique.  It is not about whether we are left or right brain thinking, or how many qualifications we have.  It is basic physics that is as fundamental as the North South of a magnet.

We each have the power to change the environment around us for the better and to create outstanding, positive, respectful and functional relationships with everyone we meet, whether we are selling, leading, supporting, designing, engineering, nursing, caring, driving, mending, building.  People aren’t widgets.

To find out more about creating real magnetism in your organisation, please call Lucy Windsor on 01932 888885.

Empowerment – owning the trust

Have you ever had to manage someone and feel uncomfortable because they argue with you, or they point blank refuse to do what you say?  Or, they say the right things, yet nothing changes?  Maybe you have bad news to impart.  Their performance is not where it should be, or they are being put at risk of redundancy.

If you have ever been in this position and find it excruciatingly awkward and uncomfortable, this might be helpful to you.

Firstly, you are not alone.  In fact, having met with thousands of people in my career who are faced with this sort of task, I can hand on heart say that humans on the whole, find this interaction difficult.

My goodness, we could probably run the national grid off the energy expended in worrying about how to approach the conversation, sharing with peers to gain advice and build allies, getting frustrated and anxious during the build up to the conversation.  And then there’s the task of analysing how it went and whether our words worked and were taken in the manner they were meant.

Hours spent in stress, hurt, pain and resentment – resulting in mixed messages, loss of trust and limited improvement.

Of course, this is not every difficult interaction – but in my experience, the percentage is far too high to ignore.

It is time to buck a trend.  Have you ever heard the phrase self-centred?  How would you react if someone referred to you as self-centred?  To me, it is the most gracious compliment I could ever be paid and I’ll explain why.

Self – we only have one self.  It is the person we were born with.  The person that we wake up with every single morning and sleep with every single night.  Self is the person who knows our deepest fears and our darkest thoughts.  Self is the one person who gets all our jokes and beats us up when we make mistakes.  Self is the person who is joyful and playful and loves doing everything we love to do and is also the person who gets tired and sad and disappointed and angry with us too.  Self sees us naked and when we sit on the loo.  Self also experiences every sexual encounter with us and every one that we imagine and never act upon.  We have no secrets from Self.

Centred – is to be emotionally healthy and calm, focused, balanced.  To have a point of reference, a foundation to return to, inner certainty.

To be self-centred, in the way that I see it, is to perform at work with a power and passion that is simply not available to others.  Difficult conversations become something to embrace.  The energy changes from one of separation to one of collaboration.  Creativity flows.

When problems arise, rather than complaining about all the things you want the other person to change – most of which is entirely out of your control.  Instead, you have the opportunity to get to the root of the problem and turn it around.

This is the empowerment that most of us crave, very few have, yet is available to all.

To find out more about empowerment, owning the trust and self-centred leadership, call Lucy Windsor on 01932 888885.

Group Dynamics

Every group has a culture.  It is like a different language to the uninitiated.  It takes a while to learn. The culture comes from the use of language, topics of discussion, priorities, how we look and body language.  Most people when they feel uncomfortable with a group aren’t sure why.

This is because they are receiving physiological signals that indicate to them that they don’t belong.  In a social environment, this is easy to deal with.  If we feel uncomfortable in the company of one group, we just find another social group that does suit us.  However, in the work environment it is much more difficult, because we are stuck with our colleagues, whether we like them or not. This can create a divide.  Different sub-groups who are drawn together, because they share a common language.  There are also go-betweens, who give something to both groups.

There are three main types of go-betweens:

• Those who crave the acceptance of different groups, so they adapt to the different cultural dynamics in order to be accepted.  These go-betweens subconsciously learn the group language in order to provide something of benefit to each group dynamic.  Their motivation is personal – what’s in it for me?
• Those who seek the acceptance of different groups and do so consciously, in order to learn the culture.  Their motivation is data gathering and may be to the benefit, or detriment of the group.  For instance, they may be curious, in order to understand the group thinking better (an example being in order to market their goods better).  Or to gather intelligence (for instance to identify those who are likely to hinder progress of the company)
• The leaders.  They are able to be accepted by other cultural groups because they consciously provide something that benefits the group.  These go-betweens seek acceptance in order to influence the group dynamic.  Like data gathering group, they may have either beneficial or detrimental motives as far as the group is concerned.  Their motivation is to influence the group thinking or change the dynamics in some way

Whatever our motive, it is impossible to transition between groups successfully even if we want to if we are unable to speak the language of that group.  Those seeking acceptance may resent the group for rejecting them, if they have not been able to speak the language of the group.

In an organisation, cultural groups can either add to, or hinder the efficient running of the business.

When the energy of the group is in line with the business mission and values, they can hugely benefit the business.  However, in situations where the cultural group becomes disengaged from the organisation, the focus and energy is taken away from the purpose of the business and instead diverted into petty issues, excuses, hurt feelings, pride, blame etc…

When group dynamics interfere with the business goal, it is important to address the problem for all concerned.  Individuals trying to function when they are in a disengaged group environment can feel stressed, insignificant, under-valued, unloved, tired and restless.

The only way to affect change within a group culture is by first understanding, rather than judging or criticising the culture and then by communicating in a language that the group can identify with.

Training, process alignment and reorganisation are only a part of the solution.  Because of people’s instinctive desire to be accepted by the ‘tribe’ the group culture becomes the dominant force every time, and this is where many organisations miss the point.

To find out more about cultural language, contact Lucy Windsor on 01932 888885.

Stress factor – physiology and how to stop resisting reality in order to change it!

Feeling stressed?  How does stress feel to you?

Often, when we talk about stress at work, we talk about the problem.  ‘I can’t talk, I’ve got a deadline and I’m stressed.’ or ‘I’m stressed out, he/she is totally unreasonable.’  ‘It’s really stressful working in these conditions with everyone interrupting me.’  ‘I can’t read this because I’m stressed and I keep reading the same page over and over again.’  ‘I don’t know where to start, it’s all too much.’  These statements are typical of comments made by thousands of people across every sector every day.

What is stress?  It is how we feel when we believe things are out of our control.

Either we are being made to do something we don’t want to do, or we are fearful of the consequences, or we don’t feel ready for something, or we simply think this is not how it should be.

Many of us perceive stress to be a bad thing, when actually, it is just our bodies, our physiology, making us aware that something needs our attention.

Imagine your electricity circuit at home.  One day, you have several appliances on the go, and suddenly they all go off.  So you investigate and you discover that the lights are functioning and the boiler is on, but for some reason the ring that all the appliances plug into is off.

All this means is there is something plugged into your electrical circuit that requires your attention.  So, with a bit of trial and error, you establish that each time you turn on the kettle, the circuit trips, indicating the need to replace the kettle.

This is how stress works.  It is your own personal, physiological trip switch.

However, modern society has developed in such a way that many of us have learnt to ignore that first physiological indicator, and sometimes we will power on through, overriding the warning signals again and again, on and on until we have total circuit breakdown.  And that is when we start to need time off work.

There are other examples where we ignore our body signals too:

• Food – often brought up to eat everything on our plate, overrides our FULL switch, so we no longer realise when we have eaten sufficient
• Alcohol – ignore our body indicating that it is affected by alcohol, until we no longer know when to stop.
• Sugar/caffeine – shops serve sweet snacks and drinks by the bucket, a huge overload to our system, but because we have pressed the override button so often, we can no longer pick up the signals from our body
• Exercise – our body tells us that it is tired and lethargic, and we mistake this for depression and head to the doctor, rather than reading it as a need for regular exercise

Our bodies talk to us all the time and when they do, we need to start listening.

Stress is not a bad thing.  It is our body’s way to bring attention to something it needs.  It only becomes ‘bad’ when we ignore it.

So next time, you feel stressed, try embracing that feeling instead of resisting it.  This is the first and best step to resolving it before it gathers speed.

To find out more about how to save time and money by focusing on trust rather than blame, read the other associated articles in this blog, call Lucy Windsor on 01932 888885, or email lucy@theperformance.biz.

They’re  wrong! – investigating blame and knowing our triggers

Have you ever had reason to blame someone else?

We have all from time to time, had reason to believe that if someone had done something differently, the outcome would have been rosy.  Or, we believe that someone else’s actions, what they have said or done is the reason we feel bad, or sad, or angry!

Over time, this creates a ‘blame culture’.  A culture of habitual blaming, sometimes over small and insignificant matters, sometimes over bigger, more important events.

I call it ‘the grenade approach’.  When we throw the grenade into someone else’s bunker in the hope that when it blows, we’ll be in the clear.  We are all guilty of doing this to some degree.  That is because when we are under threat, our ego is triggered and our ego is geared around self protection.  It will endeavour to find ways and means to justify our actions and manipulate others into believing that we are right.  It is so clever at doing this, that even we believe it!

There are two key ways that we can develop a blame-free culture.

1. Systemically – as an organisation we need to understand that mistakes happen, and when they do, we need to be objective and address the source of the problem. Rather than chastising or criticising, or pointing out the wrong doing, we have to identify the cause and ensure the correct processes/training/measures are in place to avoid a future occurrence.
2. Individually – we need to help our staff develop an alternative to blame and give them the motivation to change

What if we took blame out of it altogether?  Would we all stop caring?  Perhaps this is the fear, that without someone to blame, there would be no responsibility or accountability.

What if instead, we looked inside for accountability and responsibility?  So when a mistake occurs, rather than the grenade approach, what would happen if we measured how personally accountable we were for that mistake?

In the case when an employee was to carry out a task and they failed to do so, before calling the employee in for a meeting to discuss where they went wrong, the manager would review whether he or she had ensured the employee had received the appropriate training and enough supervision.  They would review whether they had given the employee all the information they needed in order for them to carry out the task correctly.  Whether they understood the wider picture and how it fitted in with the strategy.  Did they understand the timescales?  Did the employee have the skill and motivation required for the task?  Were they emotionally equipped?  If not, what can the manager do to be sure they are fully prepared for the next task?

The employee would review their part in the mistake.  Did they ask enough questions before tackling the task?  Did they understand what they needed to, why and by when?  Did they have enough time for the task, and if not, what support could they have arranged?

It makes much more sense to review a mistake in this way.  Conversations where each party actively accepts their own liability are more powerful and more purposeful.

This also leads to an overall reduction in mistakes, because the focus would be on the real cause of the mistake, because there would be no motivation to hide the truth.

When under threat of criticism, blame or ridicule, our reactive brain kicks in and any response we make is geared around self-preservation or self-provision, rather than at objective problem resolution.  We justify our actions.  We blame the system, the technology, someone else.  We will find no end of excuses.  It is not that we are bad people, we are just human.

Next time something happens at work and you feel the urge to blame someone or something else, test out the theory.

Make a list of as many things as possible that you did to contribute to the problem and as many ways you can think of that you could have done differently.  Think about the who, or the what that is the focus of your blame, and really examine your part – taking on the full responsibility and making them blame-free.  Once you have clarity, establish any resources you might need to ensure this doesn’t happen again.

Next, arrange to meet with your manager and share the situation, what you have learnt and what you are going to do differently.  If you need resources, make your request confidently, in the knowledge that it would make for better standards, more efficient work practises etc…

Another way to practise this, if you aren’t ready to risk trying it out at work, is at home.  If you have an argument with your partner, or parent or child, take a moment to cool off and go through the process of taking full responsibility eg:

14 year old boy fails to do his homework.  Parent returns from work to find him hunched over a playstation and loses their temper.  After which, they think it through…

• I became angry when he didn’t do his homework
• I told him he was lazy
• I was critical
• I don’t think he knows why homework is important to him
• We aren’t around when he comes home from school
• He has been left to his own devices
• The snacks available are biscuits and cake with fizzy drinks

So, in this case, the conversation with the son would include:

• I am really sorry for losing my temper with you over your homework.  I criticised you and called you lazy which is unkind and untrue and I feel horrible that I did that.
• Can we talk about the purpose of homework?  It is something that has to be done.  And there are good reasons for it that you might not understand.
• I realise we are at work when you come home and it is so easy to switch off after a day at school, but it is not healthy for you to spend your time on the playstation.  Even when I am not at home, I care greatly about you.
• I’d like to help you to plan a schedule after school, so that you can be sure to get your homework, reading and piano practice in, as well as chill out time.
• Let’s plan for the playstation to be a cool addition to your life, rather than taking it over altogether.

To find out more about focusing on trust rather than blame, call Lucy Windsor on 01932 888885 or email: lucy@theperformance.biz

Needs – Understanding needs and how we apply them

We talk about ‘needs’ all the time.  At work, we talk about meeting the needs of our customers.  Yet, do we really understand what it means?

There are so many different selling models, evolved over the years to meet the current market demands.  It wasn’t long ago that the consultancy based sell was the way to go – sales people were encouraged to ask questions of the customer, in order to get to understand their world.

Today, we have entered the realms of the challenger sell.  Customers are too busy.  Many no longer have the time or the energy to spend getting the sales person up to speed with what they think and how they feel – they want the seller to have already done their research and to arrive, ready and able to articulate their problem and show them a short-cut to the solution.

Is this what the customer needs?

Does the customer need your product?  probably not.  Unless your product is unique and a matter of life or death, your product is not the customer’s need.

Does the customer need to have easy access into the services your company provides?  No.

Does the customer need you to keep them up to speed with the latest innovations?  No.

Does the customer need you to ask great questions? No.

We are not that important to a customer.  We are not what the customer needs and neither is our product or our service.

The customer needs clarity and a way forward.  They need to know that they are in control of things, on the right path and sometimes it helps to be offered another perspective because they can’t see the whole picture from where they are standing.  The customer needs attention and appreciation and the chance to achieve something.

We can help to give them these things first and foremost through heartfelt connection.  Whether we connect using the consultative sell, or the challenger sell is the process, without connection neither will be successful.

In a decade and a half, working as a roleplayer, I have been on the receiving end of thousands of sales calls, negotiations, coaching and performance reviews and in my experience, the primary indicator of success still in 2014, is the ability to connect.

Before planning your next customer meeting, try this exercise:

List down as many things you can think of in response to these questions:

“What do I really like or appreciate about this customer?”

“What is it about this customer that I don’t like, or that I anticipate to be difficult?”

Next, convert all your dislikes into the appreciation column.

eg: “He is rude” might be converted into “He invites me to give him a fresh perspective.”  Or, “He is only interested in cost” might become “He is discerning, he needs to understand the value we have to offer.”

Now, plan your meeting bearing your answers in mind and feel the difference it makes to the way you approach the meeting.

The most productive conversations at work and at home come from the heart, not the head and they require us to have both courage and vulnerability in equal measure.

To find out more, please contact Lucy Windsor at The Performance Business 01932 888885 or email lucy@theperformance.biz